[fanfiction] [sabra la tau] [xmen first class]Four things Valerian let go of and One thing he didn't

[bromantic.livejournal.com]

Charles puts on his sweater vests and looks in the mirror. He still hasn’t filled out all his lost weight and looking at the spread on his table always made him queasy. Sometimes, he’d look at his hands and wonder at the lack of dirt under his fingernails.

He packs them away and sends them off to charity. Raven is shocked, Erik is quiet.

Looking back in the mirror, he pinches his arm. It seems he’s not born to develop any muscles, no matter what world he’s in.

---

When Charles puts on Cerebro again, all he feels is the mistrust, the fear, the disbelief, a constant stream of what’s going to happen to me, to us, are they going to find me, what’s going on, what is the world coming to, I’m not a mutant, I can’t be, I won’t be, this can’t happen to me, it can’t be.

It took him a while to get used to it again without throwing up.

---

At least Raven wears clothes now. Everything he wants to say to her, tries to say to her, dies in his throat. So he smiles, wishes her the best in his thoughts, but he never speaks up anymore.

---

It takes him a while to get used to being Charles. Of course, with Erik, it’s not a problem, but it takes Charles time to register who they meant when the children call for him. No one notices, except Raven who pinches him every time he pauses. He thinks of Charles, of the person he only knew through his experiences (theirs, ours, whose?), and can’t decide if he hates him or loves him.

Erik tells him to shut up about it, so he does.

---

Charles holds onto him in the dark.