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quixotism2009-04-03 08:12 pm
bromantic.livejournal.com) wrote in quixotism2009-04-03 08:12 pm
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[Fanfic] battles on the warfront
The horse is gone, the fire's still warm,
you moved on an hour before,
you like to keep me one step behind
-XX-
Dean never stays.
Sometimes there was a moment (and he catches them, fleeting and brief, like the second of a countdown, loud and transparent. Dean was transparent) and Gant prods, pokes, and perhaps Dean'll admit that he is transparent, he is as bare-foot as they come, bleeding as he talks, as he walks and there's nothing like seeing someone drown from a distance while you hold a lifeline but no reach.
It appealed to him.
Sam, he says, and Gant hates that excuse, hates to see that tug in Dean's eyes as he runs, runs to Sam just as he ran away from Sam, he never really stops running and the road is probably burning into his feet, and hasn't he learned anything by now? Still, Gant kisses his knuckles and Dean falters.
And he triumphs.
But it always leads back to Sam.
-XX-
Dean never asks. He could beg, he could plead, he could say, "got a minute? I need a shoulder right now" or just look through because no matter how transparent Dean is, nothing is as solid as Dean's need for needing, drinking in the touch of a touch of a flicker, the look that keeps looking forward and beyond but also at him, reminder, he's still here, mortal, destroyed, but he's still standing there and Gant knows he just wants to be seen.
Dean never asks. Gant pokes again and withdraws. Sometimes it hurt to reach.
-XX-
Dean digs his hands into Gant, desperate, unspoken (Dean talks but they're just words under the bridge and they die on the grass, like breadcrumbs for ravens and pilferers. When Dean reaches, does he understand) and Gant reaches back, patient, waiting, always waiting. And he knows that Dean knows that none of them really believe. But they try and they reach and sometimes it hurts and Dean wants to run, to hide in some corner because if he is finally seen for what he is, transparent walking ghost, a new animal (Alistair croons), the man he could never be, the brother who always couldn't save the other.
Gant grips him tight. And Dean doesn't run away.
It was a triumph.
But Sam will come back, Sam will return, Sam is still there forever in Dean's mind. And Gant thinks that he will never win the war, but he relishes the wins.
Sam can't have them.
you moved on an hour before,
you like to keep me one step behind
-XX-
Dean never stays.
Sometimes there was a moment (and he catches them, fleeting and brief, like the second of a countdown, loud and transparent. Dean was transparent) and Gant prods, pokes, and perhaps Dean'll admit that he is transparent, he is as bare-foot as they come, bleeding as he talks, as he walks and there's nothing like seeing someone drown from a distance while you hold a lifeline but no reach.
It appealed to him.
Sam, he says, and Gant hates that excuse, hates to see that tug in Dean's eyes as he runs, runs to Sam just as he ran away from Sam, he never really stops running and the road is probably burning into his feet, and hasn't he learned anything by now? Still, Gant kisses his knuckles and Dean falters.
And he triumphs.
But it always leads back to Sam.
-XX-
Dean never asks. He could beg, he could plead, he could say, "got a minute? I need a shoulder right now" or just look through because no matter how transparent Dean is, nothing is as solid as Dean's need for needing, drinking in the touch of a touch of a flicker, the look that keeps looking forward and beyond but also at him, reminder, he's still here, mortal, destroyed, but he's still standing there and Gant knows he just wants to be seen.
Dean never asks. Gant pokes again and withdraws. Sometimes it hurt to reach.
-XX-
Dean digs his hands into Gant, desperate, unspoken (Dean talks but they're just words under the bridge and they die on the grass, like breadcrumbs for ravens and pilferers. When Dean reaches, does he understand) and Gant reaches back, patient, waiting, always waiting. And he knows that Dean knows that none of them really believe. But they try and they reach and sometimes it hurts and Dean wants to run, to hide in some corner because if he is finally seen for what he is, transparent walking ghost, a new animal (Alistair croons), the man he could never be, the brother who always couldn't save the other.
Gant grips him tight. And Dean doesn't run away.
It was a triumph.
But Sam will come back, Sam will return, Sam is still there forever in Dean's mind. And Gant thinks that he will never win the war, but he relishes the wins.
Sam can't have them.